The Barber Shop Sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus and "And Now for 
Something Completely Different"       
 
Customer: Hello, is this the Barbershop Sketch?
Barber:   Y-y-yes sir.  B-b-b-be with you in a minute.
 
(The barber is now washing and re-washing his hands, trying to remove the
 obvious blood-stains from them and his coat.)
 
Barber:   H-h-how would you like it sir?
Customer: Just short back and sides.
Barber:   How do you do that?
Customer: Oh, you know, just short back and sides.
Barber:   It's not a... a razor cut, RAZOR CUT BLOOD ARTERY MURDER SPUrt.. arr...
Customer: No, just ordinary short back and sides, you know...
Barber:   It's just s-s-s-scissors then...
Customer: Yes.
Barber:   You wouldn't rather forget all about it?
Customer: What?
Barber:   You wouldn't prefer to have it just combed?
Customer: Oh, no.. I want something cut off!
Barber:   Cut, CUT HEART HITCHCOCK MURDER BLOOD PSYCHO HOMICIDE SPURT ARTERY
          TREMOR CORTEX Arrrgg...!
 
(The barber fakes a few quick snips.)
 
Barber:   There, finished.
Customer: I beg your pardon?
Barber:   I've finished cutting, cutting, CUTTING, CUTTING YOUR HAIR!
Customer: Well, you haven't even done any cutting yet.
Barber:   All right, I confess I didn't cut your hair.  I hate hair.  I-I I
          can't bear cutting it.  I have this uncontrolable fear whenever I see
          hair.  My mother said I was a fool!  She said the only way to
          overcome my fear would be to become a barber.  I didn't want to be a
          barber.
 
  I wanted to be... A *LUMBERJACK*!
  (music up)